revelation, kinda.

i decided this morning that i need to get over myself.
i was processing though a conversation i recently had with a friend. we talked about depression a little. and he said something like, when i am focused on myself and my situation, that is when i get depressed. hum…yeah, i know that.
i think i'm trying to make my life a drama. so i'm going to TRY to stop that. and TRY to be thankful and content with what is thrown my way. because seriously, when i'm thinking about other stuff in my world that is outside of myself, i'm not sad. maybe sometimes, a little overwhelmed, but… it's when i allow myself to focus on me and my situation that i feel like crap. now, there is a time and a place to think through your situation/circumstances. but NOT focus/dwell on it. i guess?

i tried to explain to a friend about what is going through my head about job stuff... and then i just thought, i don't even want to work, i just want someone take care of me. which is not reality for many different reasons. but then my train of thought went to marriage, i can't even imagine meeting someone who i would want to spend the rest of my life with. it doesn't even seem possible. which makes me feel sad. and this morning while driving to work i just thought, this is ridiculous erin, focusing on this will get you no where. so STOP!

life is a learning process. ups and downs. ups and downs. being gentle with yourself, being harsh with yourself. trying to figure out which self-talk works best for you. what motivates you. i keep coming back to the fact that i need nothing more than the Lord. He is my all. yet, i try and try to put other things in there to make me happy. and i’m surprised when it only makes me miserable.