is there something wrong with me?

i've never thought of myself as a people pleaser. in fact when i've had this conversation with others in the past, they have told me that i'm not, but i don't know.
i do say no. i know that i do. but do i say no enough?
and when i say yes, is it because i'm trying to please someone else? i am not sure. i mean, i love almost everything that i do. and i can't imagine what i'd cut out if i were to cut something out. maybe i'm trying to please myself. hum... that wouldn't be surprising since i am mostly selfish in my dirty little heart.

introvert v. extrovert.
i'm generally happy to be around others, but it also drains me if i'm always around others. i think i'm a mix between the two, but i definitely need adequate alone time to function properly. something i fear i am not doing right now (functioning properly that is). i've been functioning like an extrovert and therefore have lost all ability to function like me. am i making any sense? plus i think i'm letting all the nasty hang out at home, my safe place. so let me apologize to my girls, katherine and mary. you are awesome for loving me in my crap.

bear with me as i try to figure myself out as i type.

i know that what i need most right now is:
down time.
time alone.
time to sit and think.
time to chill.
time to pray.
but when i have time, these things do not happen. there is always more to DO. (cakes to bake, phone calls to make, parties to attend, kids to pick up, meetings to go to, ect.) or i think, "i'll just close my eyes for a minute," and then bam it's the alarm going off in the morning. it's like i can't remember how to sit still. i can't remember how to process through my own mind. am i running from something? probably, but what? this is precisely why i need to sit and be still before the Lord.

i also have a tendancy to over-analyze things. i have to figure out the root cause. where this stems from. blah blah blah.

tonight i'll be home for about 3 hours by myself. this will be good. hopefully i can at least sit down and be still for a little bit of that time.

Also a Birthday SHOUT OUT to Mrs. Sarah Scadding. Happy 25th baby!