doctors orders

sometimes what one needs is a good night of pure silliness. life can get too serious sometimes. and being serious all the time is a downer. i mean, for real... there is a lot of serious shit happening all around us and it is easy for me to allow that to weigh me down until i'm not able to really enjoy little silly things.
(and let me just say praise the lord for the sunshine. yesssssss!)
i suppose there is a time and a place for the heavy thoughts, but sometimes it seems that i'd be content to be sorta mindless. then at the same time i sorta feel sorry for mindless people. i know, i know, we are all created in god's image and loved equally by him.
tonight, i was completely entertained by watching my feet dance in the mirror. now i realize that i am the one controlling the movement of my feet, but i was still enamored by them as they seemed to be trying to keep the beat by themsleves. and i thought, i'd like to share that joy with the blog world.
so live on my brothers and sisters. and here's to enjoying the silly little things in our lives.

wasted time and eternal love

do you ever feel like you have wasted a lot of time longing for something specific that is not what god wants for you? i do.
do you ever feel like it is impossible to let go of that longing? i do.
do you ever want to just forget that its there and mask it with other things? i do.
do you ever then realize that doesn't work? i do.
do you ever feel like you make the same mistakes over and over again? i do.
do you ever feel overwhelmed by the grace of god and his eternal acceptace of you? i do.

the blues

i was singing the blues all day long today. just feeling down. down. down. every little thing making it worse. not to mention it was dreary. praise the lord for good friends. one of my soul sisters was continually loving on me through email today. thank you.
then i ended my work day with an unannouced home visit to a family whose case might close completely this week. and the little kids made me really happy. they were so excited to see me. they sang along to the new song that they learned and did magic tricks. let me expound... the new song was a children's song teaching the french alphabet... very impressive. the magic trick consisted of making their arms disappear into their shirt. also very impressive, or so i led them to believe. along with numerous somersaults and lots of running around in circles. kids are so frickin' sweet.
tonight i'm actually enjoying the sound of the rain along with soft music.
and i just bought my tickets to go to FL in august. yeehaw.

I sit here tonight, this beautiful night... and miss my friends in the old land. I miss the nights of sitting around, drinking coffee and just talking. The occational guitar or two picked up and played... background music, live. I miss college. I miss the summer after college. I miss Ohio. Why do I think about this more sometimes than others? I'm glad that I don't feel sadly like this very often anymore, but dang. Why does life change so much? Why do we get so close to people and then leave? Damien Rice is playing right now in the background. Yummy. His music is so great... but it may be adding to my sadness.
I know that things have changed. I know that change is often very good. I know that alot of the people I miss sharing regular daily life with are also no longer in that old land. No one is doing what they were doing then. Life goes on. Life changes. Life changes people. I know now why people say that college is when you make your life long friends. Those people who are around you when you are figuring out who you are. Fortunately, I have some close very close friends from after college too. I was still (and maybe still am) figuring that out. Do we ever really know? Do we ever feel fully content with ourselves and life for longer than a few days? Does satan gravitate to those who are feeling good? Why are feelings so strong? Feelings, these things that aren't nessecarily concrete, yet, oh so strong at times. Sometimes I want to stop feeling, but I've been there before too and if you haven't please don't wish it on yourself... numbness = awful. Although I guess it is a nice break sometimes. I don't know what I think tonight. That probably means I shouldn't be blogging, but a wise friend of mine used to tell me not to "should" on myself and I like to remember that, so I blog on blogger.
Tonight my roommate asked me if she could pray for me, no particular reason. How awesome is that? Tears streamed down my face. It is good to be loved and to love in return. Community, fellowship is one thing we are created for. In community we understand our father more. We understand more, his love for us. Us crazy humans, that are so beautiful because he created us that way. Wow, huh?!
I am loved. I am loved by THE God. And by many humans as well. For these things I am thankful. Yes, I am thankful.

pampered

my buddy and i got pampered today. toes and fingers. yes, a pedicure and a manicure. i feel like a princess. i look pretty hot too. :o)
for anyone who has not had a pedicure... you must do so. male or female... i'm serious.

content

do you ever just feel content?
i feel content.
not overly happy, not sad. just good. yes.
and now i think i'll spend some time by myself reading, journaling, thinking...
have a good night yourself, world.