family family family

what a wonderful weekend. beautiful wedding. beautiful. heather was so organized and so calm. she was a stunning princess and radiated joy all night long. such a fun reception too. lots of dancing. yehaw! and now the two of them are in jamaica. fun times. last night and today were great. family galore. i love my family. they are so much fun. sitting around and just laughing at each other and catching up. my buddy kara came over tonight to hang out for a while too. ah, the life. tomorrow is the trip to FL, and i'll be there for a week just chillin'. a few things: 1. i did get a manicure and pedicure the other day. and yesterday my hair cut and styled and my makeup done. i guess i'm a princess after all. but each day, in the different salons i couldn't help thinking of steal magnolis. 2. my family likes to eat and we are all pretty blunt. i never thought of it before. we are each talking about how we're hungry all the time. we get done eating lunch and about an hour later we are wondering what time dinner will be. so funny. AND what is on our mind comes out. each is trying to help and be nice but it sometimes comes across very rudely. 3. heather and i have shared a room or bed for as long as i can remember on family vacations and family get-togethers. it's sad when i think about how that will never be the same, and i admit i've shed a few tears. now she'll be with brian and i guess i'll be sharing a room with my bro. but i am so excited for the two of them. it was fun to hear her last night as she kept saying "where's my husband?" he he. (i'll post pictures when i get back to chi-town in two weeks.) i guess that's enough family blah blah for you all. Merry Christmas!! (who knows when i'll be on a computer next.)

stuff's going on

i just slept like a baby and i feel good.
wednesday was my last day at bosca realty. weird. May 4, 2003 to December 15, 2004. and its over.
i left wednesday night after work and drove 6 hours to washington court house, OH. arrived at 1am went to sleep around 3:30 and woke up around 5:30. got up and headed to the airport. (thanks miss andrea for breakfast and the ride.) flew to atlanta, met my cousin charles and aunt barbara. i was able to hitch a ride with them in the rental rather than take all my luggage on the Marta. a huge blessing. and they are hilarious. yesterday i learned that i eat everything that is put in front of me. each plate that is placed before me is cleaned (if i like the food, of course). but seriously, i eat even if i'm not hungry, just because it's there. and i wonder why my mid-section is growing. hum.
but anyway, last night was the rehersal and dinner for heather and brian's wedding. it was really nice. and the dinner was superb. of course tears at the toasts. whew. when we got home around midnight, i was pooped. after two hours of sleep, a lot of social interaction and a little bit of emotion, i had some amazing rest, about 10 hours of it. yehaw. now i'll be heading off to the bridal luncheon and then to get a manicure and pedicure. this will be my first for both. i'm gonna have princess nails on the bottom and top. perfect for the wedding and then of course for my week in sunny FL. lots more family arrives today (including my parents and brother) in time for the wedding tomorrow. fun times had by all. it is so great to be with my family. we are weird and super fun all at the same time.
onward and upward.
check ya later.

EXTREME EXCITEMENT

I GOT A NEW JOB.
I'm gonna be a real social worker.
I want to jump up and down, A LOT.

update:

i spent three hours last night completely alone. and silent.
no phone, no music, no tv, no computer.
bliss.
i feel totally rejuvenated today.
i was even able to read and pray and think.
Praise the Lord.

also...
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRHTDAY to miss Katherine Hudson.
so excited to be sharing life with you, my dear.

is there something wrong with me?

i've never thought of myself as a people pleaser. in fact when i've had this conversation with others in the past, they have told me that i'm not, but i don't know.
i do say no. i know that i do. but do i say no enough?
and when i say yes, is it because i'm trying to please someone else? i am not sure. i mean, i love almost everything that i do. and i can't imagine what i'd cut out if i were to cut something out. maybe i'm trying to please myself. hum... that wouldn't be surprising since i am mostly selfish in my dirty little heart.

introvert v. extrovert.
i'm generally happy to be around others, but it also drains me if i'm always around others. i think i'm a mix between the two, but i definitely need adequate alone time to function properly. something i fear i am not doing right now (functioning properly that is). i've been functioning like an extrovert and therefore have lost all ability to function like me. am i making any sense? plus i think i'm letting all the nasty hang out at home, my safe place. so let me apologize to my girls, katherine and mary. you are awesome for loving me in my crap.

bear with me as i try to figure myself out as i type.

i know that what i need most right now is:
down time.
time alone.
time to sit and think.
time to chill.
time to pray.
but when i have time, these things do not happen. there is always more to DO. (cakes to bake, phone calls to make, parties to attend, kids to pick up, meetings to go to, ect.) or i think, "i'll just close my eyes for a minute," and then bam it's the alarm going off in the morning. it's like i can't remember how to sit still. i can't remember how to process through my own mind. am i running from something? probably, but what? this is precisely why i need to sit and be still before the Lord.

i also have a tendancy to over-analyze things. i have to figure out the root cause. where this stems from. blah blah blah.

tonight i'll be home for about 3 hours by myself. this will be good. hopefully i can at least sit down and be still for a little bit of that time.

Also a Birthday SHOUT OUT to Mrs. Sarah Scadding. Happy 25th baby!

scams, it's all scams

when i got my new phone i qualified for a mail in rebate of $50. i sent it in with all the other requirements. i just received it back saying i need to resumbit and include EVERYTHING again. this is where i think the scam comes in. i mean, i bet they bank on the idea that most people didn't make copies of the stuff they sent in. not to mention some stuff says it has to be the original, can't be a copy. what?! (sidenote: i can't remember if i made copies, i'm going to look when i get home tonight.) i'm frustrated because IF i didn't make copies, that's 50 bucks. hello! dang me!

on another topic completely.
i just got off the phone with a man from Lydia Home. he called to schedule a second interview with me. yes, evidently the interview i had yesterday went well. hum. i know for sure that the lady who interviewed me yesterday, called my references today. they must have said some nice things about me. thanks to all my references, you know who you are.
you guys, i might get a new job! ah, the excitment/fear. exciting because i'd finally be a real social worker. scary becuase my life as i know it would be completely different.
i'll keep you updated. (the next interview is on Friday at 8am.)

eight o' clock

i just had one of those tv commercial moments. you know the ones where people can't do anything right until they've had their coffee. ( to view commercials referred to ) when i got to the office the first thing i did was walk right to the kitchen. ground beans. poured in the water. blah blah blah. i made coffee. then when it was done brewing i went over to pour myself some. evidently i didn't securely place the lid on the carafe because coffee went everywhere. (something i'm assuming wouldn't have happened had i already had my coffee, catch my drift?) ha.

ramblings of the cold

it sit here with what i can only assume is a caffeine headache. i haven't had any coffee yet today. i don't feel funky, i just feel headachy. that and i keep yawning uncontrollably. yet still i haven't gotten up to make coffee. i don't particularly claim to be addicted. i mean i LOVE it. warm fuzzies, yes. but somedays i just don't want it, then frustration sets in because it seems i need it. and yes, i do get enough sleep.

does anyone else realize that it is almost 2005? i'm sorta freaked out by this. not because i don't think that 2004 has been a good year, i'm sure it has.. (sadly i can't remember much that happened before about july. i plan to sit down sometime and try to remember the years highlights and lowlights.) but i seriously think that somehow time has slipped by extremely quickly. argh! its ok.

i'm not exceptionally excited about the onset of winter. i'm not so sad about snow because it's really pretty. i'm just sad that so many days are wet and gray. gray is a pretty color on some, but its not the sky's best color, if you know what i mean. and this nasty rain. who's with me on wanting to curl up in front of the fire with good music or a good book. or sit on comfy couches with good friends or a good movie. blankets and hot cocoa. i'm thinking warm thoughts. Mmmm.

i have another job interview today. i don't know much about it, but the lady called yesterday and asked if i would like to interview. sure, why not. we shall see. it would be kinda sweet to return from the holidays to a start a new job. i bet being distracted with learning a new job would make one forget that it is nasty outside.

i hear myself and i realize that i sound sad. let me assure you, i'm not. i'm just dreaming of the hour when i'll be sitting at home with my beautiful roommates, in our cozy living room. rather than in the office in front of the computer.

a week from monday i'll be in FL. now that is something to look forward to. i can almost feel the sunshine warming me to the bone. that and i'll be with my family. that is exciting.

friends like family

do ever meet people that you just instantly love?
last night mary and katherine and i spent the evening with allan, michael, chris and caleb. we shared a meal and then sat around drinking coffee and talking, fire in the fireplace. most of these guys i knew before or at least had met, but there was something about last night.

this morning someone asked me about my weekend. i thought about each thing that happened and when i came to sunday eve i smiled to myself.
it just felt like home. how often does that happen? a few 20 somethings sittin' around chattin' about life.
life in general, our lives.
hopes, dreams, fears.
serious and silly.
that's how its supposed to be i think.
just people caring for people.
talking, listening.
so thanks guys for a great night. we'll have you over sometime soon.
i raise my cup to more nights like these (especially since it will be insanely cold soon.)

thoughts on God

And I quote:

I had no explanation for Laura. I don’t think there is an explanation. My belief in Jesus did not seem rational or scientific, and yet there was nothing I could do to separate myself from this belief. I think Laura was looking for something rational, because she believed that all things that were true were rational. But that isn’t the case. Love, for example, is a true emotion, but it is not rational. What I mean is, people actually feel it. I have been in love, plenty of people have been in love, yet love cannot be proved scientifically. Neither can beauty. Light cannot be proved scientifically, and yet we all believe in light and by light see all things. There are plenty of things that are true that don’t make any sense. I think one of the problems Laura was having was that she wanted God to make sense. He doesn’t. He will make no more sense to me than I will make to an ant.

Donald Miller
Blue Like Jazz

who knew...

last night i joined some friends at the corner pocket. i think i can call them friends now but i should probably say new friends, because out of the 8 people there, i met 6 of them last night. anyway, i guess i'm kinda a pool shark. who knew. i hit a mean cue ball. it's fun to win a game that you didn't know you were good at. ha.

it seems that i haven't really had much to say lately... i refuse to believe that it's a result of lack of thought. actually i think it is. i hate to admit it but mostly my mind is pretty empty these days.

here are some random thoughts from this morning:
~my morning coffee generally spurs cleansing me of what i ate the day before, if you know what i mean.
~sometimes when i'm in the bathroom i have good thoughts.
~my friend ang told me last night that i'm a good hugger. this really made me feel good since i've been specifically working on hugging more. we talked about cuddling and how much i like it. i really like to be touching someone most of the time. i think that physical touch is a strong love language for me.
~last thursday night i shared a bed with my little friend anna grace. she cuddled with me all night. it was awesome. it's so good to have little kids in your life. way to make a girl feel love miss anna bannana.
~i have some of the bestest buddies in the world. rock on with your bad selves, all you buddies of mine.
~my roomie katherine is about to join the world of 24.
~how does one keep their fingers warm when typing? i'm having a hard time with this today. i could sit on them to warm them up, but then i can't really do anything. delimma.
~ last night was our 2nd snow this year. it was beautiful. beautiful.
~it's refreshing to have an honest honest conversation with someone. i've had a few of these lately. it makes my heart smile to know that being real is cool. why is that we hide what we think so much?
~it's good to love and be loved.

Happy Wednesday afternoon to you all!
whoa, its december. crazy.