on rest

No teaching flowing out of the Sabbath principle is more important than the centrality of our resting in God. Instead of striving to make this or that happen, we learn to trust in a heavenly father who loves to give. This does not promote inactivity but it does promote dependent activity. No longer do we take things into our own hands. Rather, we place all things into divine hands and then act out of inner promptings.
-Richard Foster, PRAYER

on picking noses and being a princess

i'm a nose picker.
it's pretty sick, but i am.
i pick my nose. sometimes i wipe them, sometimes i flick them (depending on consistency). all i know is that i'm NOT ok with them being in my nose. if i have a kleenex i'll use it. but generally speaking, if i have to get up to get it, i'll just use my finger.
so, i was driving home from a visit today and it hit me. i'm a sick and nasty nose picker. i gross myself out and i'm probably grossing lots of other people in my life out but my disgusting habit. however, throughout the evening i have spoken with 4 separate adult people who also disclosed that they pick their noses. so at least i'm not alone in my nastiness. that in and of itself gives me the confidence to blog about it. it's also kinda funny, so i thought i'd share.

i also wanted to quote one of my girls tonight from bible study.
"We are all princesses, because God is our father and He is the King."
right on sista. i can flow wit dat.

tests.

i don't know if i'm just really cocky or what. or maybe i'm still just extremely burnt out on being in school and have convinced myself that i don't need to learn any more. or i'm just lazy. or i'm just mighty intelligent. or i already know all this stuff. maybe a conbination.
but i have these two tests tomorrow morning. state licensure tests. of course tonight is the first night that i've "studied." but i have been sitting in training for the last two weeks. i seriously feel like all this material is common sense. it is basic social work knowledge and skills. i guess since i studied it for undergrad and graduate school it would feel like common sense. that determines it. i'm not super smart, (i don't even retain information very well) i'm just well versed in the topic.
i'm going to feel like an idiot when i fail these bad boys. (rest assured that i will delete this blog)
but anyway back to the monotony. back the couch. back to Kid A.
Review. Review. Review.

passions

where do our passions come from? why are they so strong? what spurs us on to action? why does our heart ache about some things and not others? these are questions i found myself asking today.
i just completed my first week of DCFS foundations training. most of it is basically social work 101 but nonetheless good reminders of some of the stuff that we will be facing as child welfare workers and of course there is always new information to learn.
today i watched a video about developmentally delayed adults, questioning their ability to parent children. i found myself, with each new case presented, struggling to hold back an attack of tears (and the people on the video weren't even crying). the other day i almost lost it (you know, the big lump in the throat) when we watched a video about what it is like to be a child in the system, from a child's perspective. but yesterday we watched a video about victims of domestic violence and although i felt sick to my stomach for these women, there was not an emotional response on my end. what is it that makes me respond differently to these different injustices? i mean i didn't notice anyone else crying today, but yesterday yes.
part of me feels really glad that we are all here on earth with different passions and different issues that get us going, but i'm still questioning what causes that. what is it that makes me feel strongly about health care and education but not about abortion or gay marriage? i guess it might kill a person to feel and act passionately about every issue. what is my role?

i am very excited about being a social worker. this field is exactly where my heart is. although i am anticipating some extremely difficult situations. emotionally, ethically, spiritually.
my newest prayer for myself is that i will truly be able to be empathic and understanding with each person that comes into my life (in and out of work). that God will grant me incredible patience and love with both victims and abusers. every race, each gender. i know that He can and will use me in this job.

in other news. it is frickin' cold!! i'm gonna go wrap up in a blanket and relax before i go to the church for a night of chillin' with the high school kids. lata.

ramblings of this crazy girl

well, it seems that life has gotten to be too busy lately to spend any significant time in front of the computer. i see why people thought i was a freakizoid computer geek before. but lets face it i sat in front of a computer all day with minimal work to do for work. lately, i'll get home at night and the last thing i want to do is respond to a bunch of emails and post a new blog. (i can't believe that just came out of my fingers.) it does however look like we might be moving the computer out of katherine's room, so therefore i'd be available for late computer time. since i go to bed later than the other girls in the house. ok, i'm already rambling about nothing. you see (allan) you really don't want me to post a new blog.
lets see... things to note.
*i haven't been to church since December 4th. so needless to say i'm really quite excited to be going back to my "family" this coming sunday.
*um... my first week of work was great. i am loving my new job. i met all my clients last week. i'm quite sure that i'll have stories galore. :)
*i've been reading out of Genesis lately. this does two things. 1. i'm actually reading my bible. 2. i'm reading the old testament. the message remix to be exact, petersons paraphrase, i likey.
*this week and next week i'm in DCFS (Dept of Children and Family Services) training for the State of IL. So far so good... but i did think that i was done with school. i guess my eternal burnout hasn't worn off yet.
*i finally found a 2005 planner that i think is worthy of use for an entire year. this really is a feat, you see, because i'm quite a picky girl.
*which brings me to my princessdom. i'm now officially a princess. i have become pickier and pickier until i'm so particular about things that it's almost ridiculous. (my mom told me this past weekend that i've always been this way. but i find it hard to believe that they would have put up with such a spoiled brat when i was at home.) when i returned home on sunday night from my final christmas 2004 shindig, i discovered that both my roommates are also princesses. and we all like to cuddle... this was noted because we were all intertwined on one couch. ha. girls.
*you guys, i'm wearing a pair of pink pants right now, and i love them. can you believe this? i bought pink pants! i'm still shocking myself. (i guess pink is another part of my princessdom.)
*also, you better all come to our holiday party (since we couldn't have one in December). i'm serious. we are really cool girls who deserve for our friends to surround us with their presence. so if you live in chicago (or not i guess) be there or be square. jan 22nd.

and now, since i'm sure anyone who was reading this is no longer... and since i have several other things i need to accomplish tonight, i will leave you all with this word...
Ahhh! (i guess it's more of a sound)

a dream

i had a strange dream last night:
i dreamt that i was being chased by terrorists or something (actually one of them was the guy with the beard from that movie the saint). they led me into a room and i was on my knees, all three of them pointing guns at me. i started screaming out prayer to Jesus that he would protect me from evil, although if this was my time i was ready to meet him. And all of a sudden none of their guns worked. i kept praying, and then they were each on the floor holding their stomachs in agony. so i got up and handcuffed them all. (don't ask, it was a dream) i was leading them out of the room when all of a sudden there was some serious bomb going off, explosions and fire. none of the three men were fased, but i hit the deck. as i was on the floor i watched them all get up and walk toward the fire and disappear.
it was there in the dream when i woke up, heart racing, and thought, it's winter outside and i have a new job now. (i heard someone scraping their car and remembered that i don't have to be at work until 1:00 today.) so i bundled up, took the trash out and then spent a good 20 minutes performing a good scrape job on my car. that way, when i do go out to go to work with my business causal on, i can just brush off the snow that has fallen since then.
about this dream. two things.
one: i'm surprised at myself that i remembered to cry out to the Lord in such a time of distress. i hope that should i ever face a situation like that in real life that i will react in a similar way. (smile)
two: i think i may have watched too many "shoot 'em up" movies with my brother over christmas.

for anyone whom i've not discussed the new job with. it's going great. i'm jumping right in. i feel so much like this is exactly where God wants me. so many things are confirming and for that i praise Him. A gift.
let me use some words to describe what i'm anticipating. difficulty, challange, sadness, frustration, overwhelmedness, fear. isn't it funny that i can fully see each of those things for the near future, but i'm still so stoked about this job. if thats not strange i don't know what is. regardless, i really like my coworkers and the kiddos are adorable. i'm excited to see what God can do with and through me at Lydia.

home sweet home

it has been 19 long days since i left this blessed place i call home. it is good to be back, although i'm struggling to know what to do with myself. so many options. i'm not really that tired because i stopped to take a nap today on the way home. and regardless i am picking katherine up at the airport in about 2 1/2 hours. so i thought, i'd try to blog. my two and a half weeks away were great. weddings, beaches, and beautiful friends. but i fear my ability to jump back into normal life. in fact it's a new normal life. i start my new job tomorrow. whew. i'm kinda wishing that i had just one more day, but no biggie. at this point i don't think it's a good idea for my mind to be idle, for it is a screwed up and sad place these days. i've had about 6 really really good cries in the last four days, and i don't think i'm done yet. in fact, as i sit here and think, tears well up. i think i should go. but, its good to be back home. a shout out to all my buddies. much love.