voices

have you ever spoken with someone on the phone and pictured them in your head...then when you meet them, you are a little thrown off by it?

let me give you two examples.
1. tonight i was shocked when i met this man that i've been speaking with for about 8 months. he's a therapist for one of my cases. i totally pictured him as a man about 50, really introspective looking (you know, the kind who srunches their eyes and puts their fingers to their chin). i would have said he was a little bit overweight with salt and pepper hair (more salt than pepper). in fact, he's probably somewhere around 35, kinda short, brown hair nicely styled and ladies and gentlemen, he had on hot pants. light yellow with grey pinstripes. can you say different than expected?

who knows where these pictures in our heads come from. i'm not sure that a voice can really tell you that much, but my mind tells me what they look like, until i meet them and everything changes.

2. several months ago i had been speaking with another therapist for another case. i would have guessed her to be about 28 and tiny with short dark brown hair. why? i don't know. in fact, she is somewhere around 53 and a bit overweight, with long salt and pepper hair always in a bun.

this just struck me tonight, and i found it very interesting.
i wonder how many people picture me as this older woman with big red bushy hair (or something.)

i'm such a sick and nasty person.
i think i may have blogged a few months ago about my awful eating habits (i.e. fast food for most meals). so i did that 10 day cleansing fast... which was awesome (hard, but awesome). i was on a kick to eat healthy and to be intentional about what foods i was putting into my body.
down the drain its gone since then... in the past 24 hours i've only eaten McDonald's and desserts. Not ok. Fast food is how i live my life. i hate it, but right now its just the plain old truth.
if you see me, make sure to remind me that eating fast food all the time is a disgusting habit.
thanks.

babies

I think there must be something in the water these days that is making people get pregnant. (i realize that other things must happen for one to get pregnant, but seriously...) it seems that people are getting preggers left and right these days. i can't think of one person who said they were trying to get pregnant (but as a side note: they are all claiming to be happy about it regardless.)
congrats to all you wonderful people out there who are with child. may the force be with you. (smile)

I got this in an email and thought it was worth passing along:
Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit listed in Galatians 5. It is a natural byproduct of a person living within the Spirit of God. Loving God results in our loving others and showing kindness toward everyone. William Penn left us this classic prayer:

"If there is any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not deter or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again."

And Mother Teresa gave us this assessment of hurting people:

"Hungry not only for bread, but hungry for love.
Naked not only for clothing, but naked for human dignity and respect.
Homeless not only for want of a room of bricks, but homeless because of rejection."

Jesus invited everyone to his side. He associated with hurting people. He showed compassion especially to the needy. He expects his followers to follow his example.

Other thoughts:
Last night I recognized two of the erins within me, battling against each other. My buddy took me out for coffee to a sweet place with a cool open mic set. But I suppose that is beside the point. I was standing in line for the drinks when it hit me. One of the erins has pretty high cleanliness standards. The other erin is more of a hippy character who could care less about germs. I wanted to turn my head and not care when the guy behind the counter (who was rolling silverware) stopped to scratch his head with both hands for about a minute. But the other part of me was really sicked out by his lack of cleanliness standards.
All I’m saying is that I need to be hitting up more open mic nights.

intellect

the other day i was chatting with a childhood friend. i told him that he was one of the smartest people i know. he laughed, thanked me for the compliment, and told me he'd like to take me out so that i could meet more people. that's the thing though. i don't necessarily want to know more people with equal or higher intelligence than him. i like to surround myself with people of about equal intelligence to me. that's what i told him. who wants to live their life feeling dumb all the time because they can't keep up with the conversation or don't care to.
i don't consider myself to be a dumb girl, but i'm also not scholarly. i have the ability to think analytically and often do. but i enjoy a conversation about the lastest good movie just as much as a conversation about a hot issue in the news. in fact movies may be more preferable at this point since i probably couldn't tell you anything that is happening in the news right now. maybe that does make me silly... but i think i'm ok with it.

i'd also like to mention (at the risk of seeming proud) that i think i do a pretty good job reading people. i think i have good insight. this is what i love about my close friendships. there is just something very refreshing about knowing someone really well.
to all you soulmate friends of mine, you are deeply loved.

conversations in the car

i've found, after several years of youth ministry and a few months of case management, that car rides are really good for conversations. the kids can't get away from you... (insert evil laugh). but seriously, i think they like the car rides too. one on one time. often times i'm surprised that the kid will initiate a fairly deep conversation or ask questions pressing on their minds/hearts. it's one of the coolest thing about working with this age group. It’s amazing how you spend a little time with them and show that you care and a substantial amount of trust builds up.

today i spent several hours with an 11 year old boy.
we actually had some good conversations (or should i say, he asked me some good questions and i struggled to know how to answer them in order to tell him just enough but not too much). the first thing he asked me during our car ride was something to the effect of, If you had your own kids would you let them take meds? (you could say, i wasn’t expecting that one.)

one sorta funny little convo...
…
Chris: I wish I had a million dollars.
Erin: What would you do with a million dollars?
Chris: I would probably give a lot of it away.
Erin: That's pretty cool. Would you give me any?
Chris: Yeah. (thinking deeply) as my caseworker (still thinking) i'd give you about $200.
Erin: Well, thanks.
Chris: That way you could get cable.
Erin: (laughing) You remember that I don't have cable?
Chris: Yes I remember. I have comcast digital cable and it’s really cool.
…

Also, a big CONGRATS to my momma. She completed her Master's Degree tonight. (and i must say her final presentation was spectacular). Way to go little lady!

The Squirrel

Tonight, upon arrival home from work, I walked in to hear a scratching noise coming from the kitchen. When I walked back there I expected to find one of my roommates making dinner, but no, there is a squirrel pacing back and forth on the window ledge. AHHHH. I freaked out. At times I act very tough and all together when I’m not, but if you could have seen me all alone in the apt with the squirrel, I’m sure you would’ve laughed. I called both the girls trying to figure out what to do. I called one of my male friends to come over and save the day. I kept peeking my head in the kitchen fully prepared to run swiftly though the apt if it jumped at me. I was quite SCARED. I don’t know much about squirrels but I know they are capable of biting and scratching. So, naturally I took my keys and my phone and waited on the front porch until my roommates got home. (It didn’t take too long because they were in route to the homestead when I first called them.) Right when the rescuer arrived, the squirrel had just put a larger hole in the screen and made its way to the outside ledge. I closed the kitchen window. Saved! No squirrel attacks today.

I, in no way, envy the fear that the squirrel must have been feeling… TRAPPED in a strange environment… At a loss as to how to get out of the hole that it created in the first place. (I’m guessing that squirrel’s brains/memories aren’t too big.) A big crazy female human periodically poking her head in the room to do God knows what. That thing was probably pretty close to a heart attack.

I’m glad that he (or she) is now safely back in the outside world.

The Bitch Face

Tonight, it was brought to my attention, yet again, that people who don’t know me well, think I’m a jerk. Those who are unfamiliar with my facial expressions assume I do not like them. Probably that and the fact that I’m pretty quiet around people I don’t know. Generally, when I feel most uncomfortable is when I make others feel that way (I’m learning). I don’t mean to. That which we are unfamiliar with makes us scared. Ok, maybe that is a little extreme, but it generally makes others think that I don’t like them or they become intimidated by me. (I have to note here that this is generally the female population we’re talking about.) I apologize to all those who fall victim to it. I must say though, that people who do know me well, have grown to love the mean stare or the way I answer the phone “angrily.” I’ve tried in the past to become more self-aware. Many friends and roommates have also tried to help me become more self-aware. Yet the bitch face prevails. I don’t know what to do. I guess I’ll try to work on it again. But to all those who are wondering if I like you… I probably have no beef with you. I can’t think of too many people that I don’t like.

Part of me still feels like i should be embarrassed about what i'm about to discuss. The other part of me says, embrace yourself and your cheesy quirks.

I suppose it is no longer a secret that i like cheesy movies. Really cheesy movies. Really like them. There is something about a completely-impossible-high-school-romance that gets me going.

Ha ha. Some of you might think that i'm kidding. But alas, i am not. I don't really know what it is. But i sit there with a cheesy grin on my face just feeling happy. So i will continue to watch these movies.

And i'm ok with watching them by myself too. (i realize that this may be the case even if it isn't my choice, because others just don't share my joy in the cheez.) I just did (watch one of those movies by myself). and i'm happy.