on working with men

i love it when one of the dudes in the office picks up a newspaper and heads off to the bathroom. i know i'm weird, but it just makes me smile.

Presidential Debates

Please don't forget that the first Presidential Debate is TONIGHT!

All debates are scheduled to begin at 8:00 p.m. Central Time.

1st presidential debate:Thursday, September 30
Vice presidential debate:Tuesday, October 5
2nd presidential debate:Friday, October 8
3rd presidential debate:Wednesday, October 13

Hopefully this will help one to make a decision on the lesser of two bad options.

classifying entertainment

Is there defining criteria for a good book? Or is this left up entirely to the individual? Is there a difference between the standard “good” and a person’s preference when it comes to entertainment? For instance, is it fine for me to claim something is a good book, or must I say “I think it is a good book”? I come to this question because I was wondering what exactly it is that I think about the book I just finished reading last night, The DaVinci Code.
Yes, it is written well.
Yes, it is very entertaining.
Yes, I had a hard time putting it down each night.
However, I felt a little messed up by it while reading. Now that I’m done (and no longer immersed in the book) I am fully aware that it is a fiction novel. The problem lies where the book makes reference to so many things that really exist. Therefore, the mind starts to wonder if these fiction characters are really onto something. I found myself contemplating whether some of the bizarre ideas about Jesus and Mary Magdalene presented could be true. This is what makes me think maybe it’s not such a great book.
Any thoughts on this?
I also strongly desire a trip to Europe after this. I’ve never been. Anyone up for it?

Last night, some friends and I ventured down to the Brew & View. (For those unaware, this is a movie theater/bar where one pays $5 to get in and then watches 2 movies.) The double header last night was first Anchorman and then Dodgeball. Many laughs. he he ha ha ho ho.
I suppose my final thought on this topic for now is that we must categorize movies and books. These movies definitely accomplish what was intended, mindless laughter. So in a sense, that makes them "good."

on hairiness

i am cursed by a single dark hair that insists on growing from my neck. it's SICK. i notice this hair about twice a year and only hope that i notice it before anyone else does. i just went to the bathroom and what jumped out at my when i look in the mirror? "oh no, i don't have tweezers with me at work."
the funniest thing about this hair is that the first time it was noticed (in college), it wasn't by me and it was at least and inch and a half long. is anyone else as grossed out by that as i am? of course, much laughter ensued.

remember if you can't laugh at yourself, well... that just sucks!

laziness begets lowering of music standards

on my way to work this morning i was station surfing, like usual, when it occured to me... i've seriously lowered my car ride music standards since i got this car in early spring. yes indeed.
you see, my car doesn't have a cd player. therefore, i simply look for whatever station has music rather than talk, hence the lowering of the standards.
you ask, how does laziness fit into this situation? well, i'll inform. i do, in fact, have a cd player in the car, a portable one. but it is kinda cheap and not extremely easy to use. not to mention it takes alot of effort to open it up, put a cd in and hit play. yes, i'm LAZY. this is a problem.

dreams and morning annoyances

Last night I had a dream.
I dreamt that I was being punished by prison stay (for some un-recalled offense). It didn’t seem so bad because the room was pretty large and it was carpeted (with indoor/outdoor), I had a roommate, and I even found an air mattress and some blankets for sleeping. I set up the mattress and blankets for my roommate and I in order to sleep for the night. Just as my eyes started to adjust to the lack of light, I see a huge, nasty rat run across the room, not only across the room but right over the bed, over me. YUCK. I was freaking out, like any normal person would be.

Just then I woke up, still thinking I was on the floor with that bloody rat. Only to realize that this was just an awful dream and I was in a very comfortable bed in my very own bedroom. No crimes committed. This was very comforting, indeed.

About one minute after I realized how comfortable I was and had started to settle back into a nice deep sleep, my alarm went off. Rage!, I thought. Snooze is at hand. So I took my cell phone (which is what I use for an alarm clock), hit snooze and placed in on top of me (for some unknown reason). Ten minutes later it goes off again and I didn’t know where it was. I moved around a little, and then to my surprise the phone fell between the bed and the wall. Again, Rage! But at least it wasn’t under my bed going off. The alarm had stopped when the phone hit the hardwood floor. I convinced myself that I must get up and retrieve the phone, because I feared that if I did not do it at that moment, 1) I would probably fall back asleep and not get up for work, and 2) I might not remember where the phone was. So, I got out of bed and got down on the floor removing the boxes from underneath. I found the phone, power off, and actually missing the power button, which wasn’t as easily found. Rage! Oh well, I don’t really have time to search for this button, or rather I don’t really feel like it. I’ll find it later.Because I am an intelligent girl, I figured out how to turn the phone back on without the button in place, so no worries there.

Then I went on with my morning rituals of getting ready, although strangely enough, I realized I was still on the look out for that nasty rat. Dreams can really mess a person up sometimes.

several things from the weekend

1. i am not comfortable hanging out with really wealthy people. (i did this on friday.) and i'm glad that i don't live that lifestyle.
2. sometimes i don't have enough patience to be working with youth. priase the Lord for his Grace and that the other youth leaders at church are pretty amazing people.
3. i really like my church family.
4. karin bergquist (Over the Rhine) is really cool and her voice is AWESOME!
5. Wayne's World is a really stupid movie, but there are definitely some quote worthy lines in it. i.e. the gun rack part
6. i am EXTEMELY anal when it comes to dirty dishes and full trash cans. i have issues.
7. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition is a great show.
8. i'm a sap. not only did i have uncontrollable goosebumps while listening to Delila's radio show last night, but i also bawled my eyes out while watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
9. my roommates are freakin' awesome.

revelation, kinda.

i decided this morning that i need to get over myself.
i was processing though a conversation i recently had with a friend. we talked about depression a little. and he said something like, when i am focused on myself and my situation, that is when i get depressed. hum…yeah, i know that.
i think i'm trying to make my life a drama. so i'm going to TRY to stop that. and TRY to be thankful and content with what is thrown my way. because seriously, when i'm thinking about other stuff in my world that is outside of myself, i'm not sad. maybe sometimes, a little overwhelmed, but… it's when i allow myself to focus on me and my situation that i feel like crap. now, there is a time and a place to think through your situation/circumstances. but NOT focus/dwell on it. i guess?

i tried to explain to a friend about what is going through my head about job stuff... and then i just thought, i don't even want to work, i just want someone take care of me. which is not reality for many different reasons. but then my train of thought went to marriage, i can't even imagine meeting someone who i would want to spend the rest of my life with. it doesn't even seem possible. which makes me feel sad. and this morning while driving to work i just thought, this is ridiculous erin, focusing on this will get you no where. so STOP!

life is a learning process. ups and downs. ups and downs. being gentle with yourself, being harsh with yourself. trying to figure out which self-talk works best for you. what motivates you. i keep coming back to the fact that i need nothing more than the Lord. He is my all. yet, i try and try to put other things in there to make me happy. and i’m surprised when it only makes me miserable.

mole short story

i wanted to share this little story from last month.

8-26-04
I have a sticky outty mole that sits just south west of my navel. The sad news is that it sometimes gets caught in the hem of whatever shirt I happen to be wearing. Actually this happens most often when I’m wearing the little black shirt that I’m wearing today. OUCH! I always forget about this blasted battle between the shirt and the mole. And I even forget how much it is going to hurt when I yank the shirt from the mole. Not to mention the shear madness I experience when I think for a split second that I may have yanked that mole clean off my body which would produce much bleeding. My great idea today was to place a sizable piece of scotch tape over the hem so as to prevent the battle all together. Genius I tell you, shear brilliance. The End.

time warp and banshee

i sometimes think i'm in a time warp. especially when i'm driving (by myself). chicago beware. :o) i have never been in an accident, but i do really, really zone out when i'm driving. i'm either:
1. really relaxed and in another world within my own head or
2. i'm totally tense and freaking out/yelling at the other "bad drivers" on the road.
funny huh.
it never ceases to amaze me, how quickly i can get lost in my own thoughts, to the point where its almost like time stops (because i have no idea what is happening around me). this came to my attention while driving to work this morning. i was stopped at a red light and i looked down for what i thought was like one second, but when i looked up, all the cars were pretty far ahead of me. the amazing part is, no one had honked yet, or did they? hum.

i also wanted to share with you the definition of banshee. this is a word i use fairly often, but suprisingly, i never knew what one was.
Banshee: a female spirit in Gaelic folklore whose appearance or wailing warns a family that one of them will soon die.
Yes, i have been using it way out of context. Yes, i will continue to do so.

being a servant v. everyone doing their own dishes

ok... this is my dilemma.
at work, i often have time with which i do what i please. meaning, i do have time to do productive things like washing other peoples dishes or sweeping the floor. however, i don't wanna wash other peoples dishes everyday. part of me thinks, "it's not a big deal, erin, just do their dishes." the other part of me thinks that doing other peoples dishes on a regular basis is really, really annoying. because seriously, washing a dish or two is no big deal, so why can't they do their own damn dishes? hum. i see that i have a little bit of anger on this issue.
if the sink is full of dirty dishes, one cannot use it. not to mention it's sick and nasty. i think i'll need to think on this one a little more.

side note and for the record: i do wash the dishes most of the time. and usually i'm not that upset about doing it either. but when i really think about it, frustration overcomes me. and then i turn into selfish erin, refusing to wash the dishes, thinking "i'm better than this." the funniest part about it is, i'm sure it doesn't bother anyone as much as me to have the sink full of dirty dishes, therefore when i choose not to wash them i'm only frustrating... me.

new music to note

i have noticed recently how much music really effects my state of being. i decided this a few weekends ago as i was sitting on my couch reading, listening to the Allman Bros and thinking about how i would like to be standing in the back of a dark bar with good live rock music playing from the stage. when suddenly the music was changed to some classic hip hop by one of my roomies. instantly my chill mood left me and it was all i could do to keep myself from dancing like a maniac. can i get an amen?!
music is really important to me... i think we all know this. and of course live music is the best. i went to a fun show last night. Eisley opened... Snow Patrol headlined. both bands i'll probably need to add to my collection. (i would have done this after the show had the lines been shorter) now granted neither of these bands do anything amazing musically, but each is very fun in their own way... check 'em out.
i would also like to recommend Launch cast radio from yahoo. this helps me get through the days at work. you create your own radio station by rating the bands and songs, eventually you are only listening to stuff that you like. so if you are sitting in front of a computer for long periods of time... check this out.

a day for everything

who knew that September 19th is officially National "Talk like a Pirate Day." i'm sorry to inform you today, the 20th. but just keep this in mind for next year, kay?!

or maybe since you missed it you can celebrate now.

running...

Endure the aches and pains of your spiritual afflictions. Do not add to the cross in your life by becoming so busy that you have no time to sit quietly before God. Do not resist was God brings into your life. Be willing to suffer if that is what is needed. Over activity will only increase your suffering.

from The Seeking Heart by Fenelon

i know this and yet i continue to run and stay busy. no wonder i'm freaking out.

Be Still and Know that I am God.

overwhelmed

this seems to be the word i use most often to describe myself lately.
overwhelmed.
i am either overwhelmed by God's goodness or the amazing love he has for me or the amazing friends i have.
or i am overwhelmed by the decisions i need to make or the confusion racing around in my head or my heart.
today i feel overwhelmed in both senses. the good and the bad, that is.
thankfully the good overwhemledness is winning.
my heart is smiling. i am happy overall.
i am blessed by the amazing people God has graced my life with. so many great friends i have. so many people who love me so well, so deeply. and guess what, i love all of them too. love for everyone.
love...
love...
love.
and yet as i write the word love i think, what is love? do i really know/understand what love is? is there a different kind of love for different kinds of people. and, why do we only have one word for love in the english language? because obviously we don't love our family and friends the same way we love our favorite foods or our pets, or the same way we love someone romantically. when we are called to love our neighbor, what kind of love is that?

is life filled with only questions? this is another whole train of thought. someone told me the other day that if God allows us to have so many questions, it only seems right that he would allow us the answers at some point. hum... i don't know. all i do know is that when allowed to spew out my thoughts on paper or on this blog i suppose, most of what comes to mind is questions, questions, questions.

ok, i think that is enough for now.

insecurity

today i thought... i want to start my very own blog. and then i was overwelmed with the fear of other people reading my thoughts. would i be cool enough? RAGE! why does it matter? why do i care what anyone else thinks. this constant battle of trying to just be ok with me. accept yourself. love yourself. its ok. God loves you. you can love you too. but then there is this underlying desire to be clever and unique while at the same time ordinary so that i am not noticed. is anyone else this strange? it would be hard to believe, but then again i know that we are all in this battle on some level. confusion overcomes me...